Plumber of the Opera
by Bramblefox
Summary: Some drivel I jotted out some months ago about how a lake was created in the bottom of the Opera House. Don't take it too seriously, folks.


This is a rather odd little piece of drivel that I jotted out in about 15 minutes on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I chose to ignore the fact that there was a real lake to begin with under the Opera Populaire, that plumbers and running water really didn't exist in the time period, and that Erik even had a first name. bows Enjoy, don't take it too seriously, and please REVIEW!!

--

Plumber

of the

Opera

Explaining how a lake got down to the Phantom's lair in the first place

Down in the depths of the Opera Populaire, a sinister figure known to the opera house's inhabitants as the Phantom or 'Opera Ghost' lurked in quiet and relative peace. Due to his rather infamous reputation he was avoided, but this caused some inconvenience. It's not exactly easy to ring up a repairman and, when he asks for directions, have to explain that you live hundreds of feet below the surface of the Opera Populaire. This usually chalks one up as either insane or a prank caller.

As this was a rather delicate situation, the Phantom mainly took care of his own repairs. However, although the Phantom was a composer, architect, and overall genius, that did not mean that he was handy with plumbing tools. It was this minor detail that grew a lake in the bottom of the Opera Populaire.

Precisely when the Phantom was beginning to compose a difficult part of a song for an opera, a burst pipe sent water shooting thirty feet into the air before the arched ceiling got into the way. The water splattered off of the ceiling and directly onto the Phantom's newly written sheet music.

The Phantom shot out of his seat and watched the ink and water run together until the music was entirely illegible. He let loose with a rather improper curse that trailed off into grumbling. Water still poured out of the pipe, off the ceiling, and onto his organ as well as the now-ruined sheet music. He struck his forehead with the flat of his palm and stomped off to re-direct the flow of the water.

The pipe was a large one, perhaps 8 inches in diameter, with gallons and gallons of water gushing out. The Phantom popped his knuckles and went to the back of the lair to get a hammer of sorts. It took a little while, during which the water began to crumble the organ's base, but the Phantom came back with a sledgehammer and hammered the pipe until it pointed not at the ceiling but at the wide rock floor that was his threshold.

At this point the Phantom realized that he was soaking wet, he didn't have any tools that would turn off the water (except by hammering the pipe shut, which wasn't a desirable solution), and his doorstep was flooding. With another curse (this one decidedly more graphic) he dropped the sledgehammer and began rummaging around for something that would work in lieu of a wrench. After much rummaging, grumbling, and dripping the Phantom came up with the next best thing: his smallest tuning fork.

The water continued to rise.

He knelt down next to the streaming pipe and felt around the edge for a valve. No valve. He scrabbled for a bolt, a screw, ANYTHING, but nothing came forth.

The water continued to rise.

The Phantom sat back to watch the water's progress. At this rate he would be drowned and sleeping with the fishes before he found a valve that would stop the water.

Suddenly, it occurred to him: he knew how to stop the water!! He set down the tuning fork and slipped into the next room. The water continued to rise.

The Phantom came back, triumphantly holding forth a roll of duct tape. With a speed that seemed too fast for the eye, he wrapped the end of the pipe until only a couple of drops dribbled through the tape. He slapped some tape over the potential hole. Once he was certain that no water would get past his makeshift repair he stood, swiped the water from his face, and waded off through the lake for a plumber and a boat.

The End

Epilogue: The Phantom successfully got a hold of a plumber, who chalked him up as being insane. After the threat of the Punjab lasso, however, the plumber consented and fixed the burst pipe. Later the Phantom made an effigy of plumbers in general and doused it in his new lake.


End file.
